WillWybrow.com

I never knew I’d be so sad. But saying goodbye to this many people in so small a time is just a little overwhelming.

Too attached, I guess, but I fucking love you guys.

An often sad backstory followed by some life-changing “event” will make one.

You can identify them from their alliterated names (Bruce Banner, Clark Kent, Peter Parker, David Dunn, etc.).

They have a hero identity and a normal identity.

They have a love interest.

They believe they are fighting for justice.

I give you: Benjamin Barker; a once-humble barber who returns from his unfair exile a new man: Sweeney Todd.

When learning of his tragic wife’s poisoning and having his daughter abducted, he vows to “practice” his talents on the throats of those who “deserve to die.”

For in this world, “there are two kinds of men and only two:” “the one staying put in his proper place” (i.e., the good guys) and “the one with his foot in the other one’s face,” (i.e., bad people), and “the lives of the wicked should be made brief.”

Sweeney Todd is a dark and broken man, but a hero nonetheless, and it’s time we realised this and praised him for who he truly is.

Edinburgh

This is a wonderful historic city. The buildings are such wonders to look at; the floor is bumpy and the walls are worn and aging. But what’s even better than that is the amazing Scottish pride that they have everywhere.

The Scottish stereotypes aren’t clichéd at all, really. People stroll down the streets in kilts and tartan, there were bagpipes playing and there was plenty of ginger. Not to mention the charm of the Edinburgh drunks once the sun went down.

My goodness, it was steep! I’ve been to Exeter, the steepest place in England, but even that doesn’t compare. The hill upon which Edinburgh Castle sits was a brilliant climb in the warm afternoon sun when we disembarked from the train at Waverley.

The castle itself was remarkably intimidating, from the sheer face, to the cannons, right down to the admission price! So, we didn’t go inside. But I heard from a source of unstable reliability that it’s filled with glorifying lies about the Scots anyway.

Secular Students

The Edinburgh group who hosted the conference are Humanists. I didn’t go to this conference knowing a great deal about this worldview, so I was happy to be taught about it. It turns out that their individual viewpoints didn’t really differ that much from the views of our society (branded ‘Atheists’), but the avenue of Humanism offered more options.

Humanism

As described in the inside cover of Humanitie, the Humanist Society of Scotland’s publication, Humanism is:

[...] a diverse movement with ancient roots that reflects the views of millions of people around the world. Stated simply, Humanists believe that we can lead good and worthwhile lives guided by reason and compassion rather than religion or superstition, and that there are more things that unite humanity than divide it.

Paraphrased, they’re atheists plus. The ‘plus’ bit is what allows them to instate things like Humanist chaplains (and equivalent), one of whom we met and were spoken to by. It affords the University of Edinburgh Humanist Society a place inside their university’s chaplaincy and lets them position a godless representative inside for a faithless alternative for pastorial care.

Whether you think this is a good or bad thing is irrelevant, since if there is a demand for a Humanist chaplain (or equivalent), then one should be provided. At present, though, this is primarily a Scottish position. None of the English societies (whether proclaimed ‘atheist’ or ‘Humanist’) had much (if anything) to do with their chaplaincies, which is an important point to make.

I personally don’t believe there’s any call for Humanism amongst the people in our university. But if there is, they’re very welcome to come and see Warwick Atheists.

Secular Conference

This was the meat of the visit. Six different student societies were represented:

• University of Edinburgh Humanist Society (our hosts)
• Warwick Atheists
• Leeds Atheist Society
• Oxford Secular Society
• Keele Humanist Group
• Durham University Humanists

We heard introductory presentations from all of these groups, and it was brilliant to see the work of other groups as well as present the stuff that we had done.

We then got on to unifying ourselves. We decided on some short term goals and charged the very gracious Leeds members with drafting a constitution, which would be read over by a lawyer provided by the British Humanist Association.

And we finally decided on a name! We’re (presently) going to call ourselves AHS informally, the full title being a bit of a struggle: The National Federation of Atheist, Humanist and Secular Student Societies.

Sorry it’s so small, there’s no easily (within one Google Images search) accessible high-res picture of the National Secular Society’s logo to steal.

There’s more to come as this develops.

Ghosts

The really big stuff happened last night - we went on an Edinburgh ghost tour. It was called the Terror Tour, and took us into a haunted vault after talks on witchcraft and torture.

On the second level, we were told the story of Wiccan spellcasters who accidentally opened the doors wide to the demon realm. To help out the situation, they trapped the demons inside the pentagram on the floor and fucking legged it. The circle that marked the outer layer of protection was left marked by a ring of stones, and inside these stones is contained a pillar of “negative energy” from the demons. People have been jerked into the circle, we were told. Jerked and scratched. And of course, when we were offered the chance to enter the circle, we did, with legendary Scottish Humanist Stuart Ritchie yelling “Atheist, Humanist and Secular students of the UK, unite!”

Still no signs of demon fights yet, but I will keep you posted.

Warwick Atheists

I am confident in saying that I am the most involved member of the society. This is justified by the amount of and variation of the source of my collection of NSS badges.

Recruiting members

Charity stall

Exec member

AHS Conference

I hear all the time people saying, “yeah, I like the first one in the trilogy, but the other two weren’t very good.”

Well, fuck you. You’re a dirty leech. A series of films (we’re talking three and over, really) is a complete vision. It tells a bigger story than what’s just seen in the first of something. It’s part of the filmmakers’ grand scheme, and to pick and choose parts of it to label as ‘good’ and ‘bad’ disrespects the idea. Even labelling the whole series as something you don’t enjoy would be more reasonable than picking one film from a trilogy to like.

It would be like going through a standalone film and picking out the one scene you enjoy and introducing your opinion of the film with that scene.

People who say, “oh, I only liked the first Saw film, the rest took it too far,” sound to me like saying “oh, I only liked the first ten minutes of the Green Mile, the rest took it too far.” It’s not that you “only liked the first Saw film,” you start with “I don’t like the Saw films,” and then you detail the redeeming features. That’s the fairer approach, akin to saying “I didn’t like Spiderman 3, but it had a good action scene in it.”

Understand where I’m going yet? The same thing applies to a season of a TV series. If you only like one or two episodes from it, you don’t like the series. If you only like one or two of the four (about to be five) Saw films, YOU DON’T LIKE SAW. Next time someone talks to me about the Saw series with the opening statement “I liked the first one, but…” will be on the receiving end of a faceful of furious Hadouken.

I like all the Saw films. Each new one just adds another dimension to the world I am already a fan of. They can’t spoil the world, because they don’t change anything about it. We just discover more about the characters, things we couldn’t have known before and therefore should have no preconceptions about. Anyone who says the resulting sequels ‘ruined’ it for them: they didn’t change the fictional world one tiny bit, so if you liked it before, you should still like it. I also like all the Pirates of the Caribbean films. The second and third films did nothing to change what was already established in the first film. If you don’t like how the story develops, then you don’t like the story as a whole. So get bent.

It’s irritating to excess when talking to a partial fan of a series. They surely must feel that they are missing a sense of overall completeness of the subject of discussion that they claim to like. I guess I am a person who likes to have complete sets of things: books, films, games: if there is a collection of something, I can’t be happy with just part of that collection, and will not see it as what it should be seen as until I get all of it. Orders and sets and collections in their entirety are just so much more pleasing than picking arbitrary members and taking them out of their proper place: a vital piece in a much bigger world.

A little while ago, I had a tiny box of little quotes in the corner of the page. It was my plan to stick cool little phrases into the box and have a different one load up each time I had a visitor.

Well, I couldn’t really be bothered to implement an easy front end to insert into the SQL tables, and I didn’t want to go MySQLing every time I wanted to update you people, so I gave up on the idea.

But now, the idea of Facebook status updates has popularised the art of tiny thoughts, or snippets of thoughts, being broadcast to the world. Maybe this is a better medium for what I had in mind than what I was doing beforehand.

So, I give you Twitter, a mobile-updated thought box for my most pressing observations, reminders and rants. Enjoy.

Have you ever really thought about exactly how far you can be pushed before you completely break down this socially acceptable person that you are and go utterly insane? Like, what if you were told (and convinced beyond reasonable doubt) you had a few weeks to live? Some of you wouldn’t be fazed by that, and maybe would spend some quality time with family and friends, but I’d wager there are those of us who would put social acceptability into a grave ahead of time and completely break free of these community-established bonds.

Bonds like solving your problems with words. Like ignoring rude people instead of punishing them. Like observing common courtesies, like not drawing attention to yourself or being an inconvenience. Not stealing, not vandalising, not killing…

But maybe it won’t be a terminal illness that will push you over the edge. Maybe you come home one day to find your family has been raped and murdered… Maybe you have been alone for so long, you can’t see the point anymore.

All I’m saying is, be careful. You never know what’s going to be around the corner, and that might trigger some long dormant, freebird spirit within you that won’t stand for the restrictions you live your life bounded by.

Everywhere I look there are people, people smiling, people laughing, people enjoying the sunshine and people loving each other. Beautiful people, all of them. Loving and laughing with each other, frolicking and skipping and running and jumping in the grass and the sun’s rays.

Fuck them, and fuck this shitty season. It’s the worst… Fuck having fun in the sun, now is the time to be embittered and resentful towards your fellow man. So, do your old internet-based pal the Chronicler a favour and revile something at least once this summer. Make it something that everyone else is enjoying, like the sounds of birds singing, or the smell of the sea at the beach. Remember, these are the bastards that will whine when it’s cold or wet. They will make your time worse without a second thought, because they’re really heartless inside. All their happiness is a front created by dirty sunshine and warm grass.

Fuck summer, fuck love, fuck fun and fuck happiness. Fuck you.

What the fuck is this?

You always make me smile. So I do wonder why some people hold so much against you. I know the source of the discord, and by hell, I won’t be your damned mediator. That leaves nobody, so let’s hope you two don’t have a run-in when we’re off.

Nevertheless, your joyous approach to social situations is admirable. You’re a shiny person.

So it’s upsetting to see you treated so badly. How can anyone be so vile to even a friend? It’s not like it was in jest, or an understandable, stress-induced overreaction. It was malevolent.

We’ve got to trust that you aren’t making the wrong choices. It’s your word I am going on, and nothing else. But I am still prepared to say that I’ve seen enough to make a judgement. They’re right anyway, whether I do it now or later (once I’ve seen it from “both sides,” (thank you very much, Michael Hardy, you fucking jerk)). So, here I go with that most infuriating of all statements: the criticism with no suggested alternative.

Or maybe there is no alternative? Like people with no religion. Their alternative is no alternative, and that’s probably the best way to go. Liberate yourself. Happiness doesn’t depend on shitty, worthless boys.

I understand that the belief that there is a god, or some higher power, is a comfort to people. I can’t say I quite see how that’s a comfort, since whether you believe or not doesn’t actually affect the things that happen to you that you don’t control (i.e., praying doesn’t make a difference). But to you total losers who need to feel ‘watched over,’ why did you pick the lamest god ever to idolise?

And to the second branch of people who have made this bad choice - the “just in case, I believe anyway” school of thought - here’s what I say to you: If you’re believing just in case you’re wrong, what’s to say you’re not wrong about the god you’ve picked over any other of the major religions’ gods? Wouldn’t it be best if, in your model of “hedging your bets”, you tried to appease (or deny) all gods equally, instead of putting all your eggs in one basket?

Back to point one: sure, it might comfort you to believe in a god, but you’re missing the true potential: awesomeness. I love gods; I’ve read fantasy novels by the score about other worlds with other gods and magic and mythical creatures and heroes. They are just so amazing… It’s so much fun to get lost in a fantasy world full of exotic ideas, so if you’re going to be doing that with your whole lives anyway with religion, why not pick a decent fantasy to delve into?

And now we come to the point of the post: if you’re not wholly convinced by any particular religion, but still feel some deep-seated need to look up to something, why not look up to something that’s a little more impressive than the gods we see in modern religions today?

Jesus was a total wimp, a faggot sandal-wearing pacifist… Mohammed doesn’t even let you draw pictures of him… Allah likes to send his people to blow themselves up, and the Jewish God commands dietary requirements from His followers…

Instead of following one of those, follow a god with a much harder-hitting awesome factor. Here’s a few suggestions for you:

Time God

A black-robed, heartless humanoid god who lives in a castle suspended on a black moon. In his castle is a room of mirrors from which he can observe humanity. Hanging from him are silver hourglasses, and the symbol of his church is an hourglass. He favours the sharp-minded over the the thick-bodied, and endows rewards on those who honour time’s inexorable flow by planning carefully and expecting everything. He has the power to control time.

Death God

A towering black skeleton is all the body that this demon-god needs. He sits atop a carved stone throne in a hot, cavernous lair in the centre of the planet, where rivers of fire swirl around him, trapping the souls of the damned. He has an army of stunted, skeletal slaves, and his white-boned generals carry the holy image of the scythe and traverse the human world for souls to condemn to their master. He awards his worshippers favours in life in exchange for the promise of servitude afterwards. He has the power to control the bodies of the dead and the souls of the damned.

Love Goddess

Pale-skinned and bright-haired, this image of a young maiden is anything but immature in her wiles. Cunning and devious, she encourages attachment in order to control the attached through acts of love and favours of the bedroom. Her boudoir is inside a pink cloud, a palace of utmost comfort on every surface. She haunts the dreams of young men and women alike with temptations of the flesh and heart. She will promise you fortune in encounters with the opposite sex in exchange for your promise to bring them into her worship. She presides over marriages, and promises between couples are also promises to her. The penalty for divorce is her wrath. She has control over the affections of the unattached.

Tree God

A kind and gentle man of the forest, this god is not so much a lord of nature as he is a part of it. His realm is the leafy canopy of the treetops, and his aged and battered skin is the colour and texture of Redwood bark. The trees are his allies and he hosts the domiciles of all who live under their protection. He offers nature’s help in exchange for yours, protecting wildlife whenever you can.

Sea God

Relentless master of the tides and mediator between continents, the hotheaded god of the sea is quick to unleash his fury on those who act against his wishes, or insult the seas he reigns over. In his ice palace on the top of the world, he surveys the waters of the planet and drags up waves and the tides. His stormy ocean surface and fierce winds are not for the frail or clumsy. He prefers those with a strong back and a worthy arm to do his bidding, and those winds and seas will support followers in return for their help.