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I am sick and fucking tired of confectioners putting hazelnuts or hazelnut flavouring in chocolate, and I’m doubly annoyed at consumers who think they like this (but really don’t).

Chocolate is a complex, 3000 year old concoction that requires a lot of time to make and a lot of effort to perfect. It’s the world’s favourite flavour, and it’s this way for a reason: it tastes amazing. SANS-NUTS.

I can’t begin to fathom the intricacies of the mind of the retard who invented the idea of putting nuts in chocolate. I have to wonder whether this person was clinically retarded, or just wanted to play a joke on someone by hiding nuts in chocolate, offering it to them and then laughing in their face when they take a bite and their hopes and dreams crumble to dust.

Really, fuck hazelnuts. You know what eats hazelnuts? Squirrels do. Those little vermin. Squirrels also eat out of bins, but I don’t see people mashing garbage into their chocolate. Nobody said “you know what this chocolate needs? Some stale, mouldy pizza crust.” That’s because not only is chocolate perfect already, but nobody wants to eat trash or nuts.

People who have nut allergies are the luckiest people in the world. If they accidentally eat nuts, they get the blissful release of a painful death right afterwards so the effects of the taste are minimised. If you can, find a friend with a severe nut allergy and always go out to eat with them. The last thing you want is to accidentally eat nuts in your food. And that’s another thing — “nuts” is a colloquial term for testicles! Wake up, people, and stop letting greedy confectioners teabag your chocolate bars.

This is going to be a good one, guys.

For one, Smallville resumes broadcasting. I’ve refrained from mentioning it on my blog so far because I haven’t that much to say about it… it’s a TV show, it’s not to everyone’s taste but I am enjoying it. But Season Eight is the first season where creative control has not been in the hands of the original creators of the show, so I am anxious to see what developments will be made.

Next, Death Blossoms, a new Rise Against single, will be out for Guitar Hero: World Tour. Of course, it will be made available as a torrent online; what isn’t? But for a brief while, it’ll only be out on the game, a game owned by my generous housemate… Perhaps he will let me buy the single (and the other two Rise Against songs released at the same time) and play them all, one after the other, on his console.

Finally, it’s the Warwick Atheists’ formal-dress social. Starting out at a nice(ish) place to eat in Leamington, the guys in their suits and the girls in their dresses will undoubtedly move on to the pub and wind down the evening in the dying noise of Wetherspoon’s. A classy end to a shitty term.

It’s about the only thing I am looking forward to in the near future.

…but Relentless prices up?

It’s a bit of an economical mixed bag. I was enjoying it when a can of Relentless was cheaper than a litre of petrol. Fuck petrol! Though the fact that it’s getting cheaper is probably a good thing. It’s less than 94p per litre at my local supermarket, but they put Relentless Inferno up about 10p just a few days ago! Nightmare!

But I went to 24 hour Tesco on campus yesterday night and bought some where it was still under £1. It’s good.

I don’t think I am being affected very much by the, ah, “credit crunch.” Things still seem to be costing the same as they always have. And, as usual, it’s easy to spend too much. Especially with my housemates; they don’t really realise that students aren’t meant to live in comfort and luxury. They’re supposed to buy all the cheapest things possible and barely live on them. It’s a nightmare when other people come back from shopping and ask for my money. They didn’t ask what I wanted to put my money towards…

Oh well, got a little bit of cash coming soon enough (in time for the holiday season, in fact), and maybe a little pocket of cash as gifts from Santa. Money is a bitch, but it’s the only path to true happiness.

If Sugar Puffs are toasted puffs of wheat, and Rice Krispies are toasted puffs of rice, why is there not a breakfast cereal of toasted puffs of corn, basically: popcorn? It might seem weird, but think about it for a second. You know that Butterkist popcorn stuff that’s laden with toffee; that would make a good breakfast cereal, right? Maybe it would. Someone should try it and get back to me.

There’s a Facebook group specifically for my year in secondary school that I’ve only just started perusing. It only took a third of the photos to make me stop for a while and turn my face away wearing a wasted (because nobody was there to experience it) “every single one of you was a fucking cunt back then” expression. Bitter? Who, me? No, of course not, but just because I don’t want to hunt every one of them down and feed them feet-first under a steamroller doesn’t mean I won’t let everyone know the truth, that I was almost the only decent person there.

Some people have changed since then, and others I wouldn’t know about, but I’d go as far as to say there has been a <+1% swing in the quality of people from that shitty place. The year below is even worse… honestly, people are getting worse every single year.

Who knows why everyone is such a cunt? I certainly don’t, but it’s probably to do with religion… Maybe I’m just laying blame on a recurring culprit as a form of scapegoatery because I can’t think of anything justifiable to call them on…

Fanboytopia

Last night in bed, I was thinking to myself. There are a few things that I really enjoy, or things that I think have unparalleled greatness. I wanted to share with you guys just a few things that I’m a “fanboy” of, without any justification. I’m thinking it’ll offset some of the negativity that’s rife through this festering pit of criticisms.

I had weighed up the advantages and disadvantages of listing some small justification or explanation of why I think these things are so great, but I decided against it, as it will encourage people to pick holes in my reasoning. But I’m really fine with what I think, even if it is irrational (because in my mind, taste in certain things is irrational and, obviously, completely circumstantial and subjective (and so, unarguable)).

So, if you had to pick ten of the most awesome things in your life (and they can be anything - people, concepts, bands, foods or anything) that you are a die-hard fan of (and this is measured relative to your own obsessions of things, not other people’s. That is to say that even if you don’t own clothing plastered with a band’s image and cover your room in posters of the band, you can consider yourself a fanboy if you’re more devoted to them than you are to other bands… if that makes sense?), what would those ten things be?

• Opera Internet Browser
• Legacy of Kain series
• Relentless Energy Drink
• Firefly/Serenity series
• Sainsbury’s Supermarket
• Warwick Atheists
• Azureus Bittorrent Client
• Jasc Paint Shop Pro
• Sonic the Hedgehog (especially pre-2003)
• WordPress

And, just so you all know, it was a deliberate move not to put my lady-friend in the list. That implies nothing, I’d still trade these things all away for her in a heartbeat. Remember that.

I only own clothing adorned with the image of three of those things (it oughtn’t be too hard to guess which ones), but I’m working on it. Also, the number ten was arbitrary, here are some of the runners-up:

• Southern Comfort
• Subway
• Rise Against
• Blink-182
• Clickteam
• Facebook
• The Herbs and Spices aisle in supermarkets
• xkcd
• Lindt Lindor truffles
• Tesco Whole Orange Squash (no added sugar)
• Mountain Dew
• Smoked Salmon
• Pirates of the Caribbean
• Christian Bale
• JD Wetherspoon
• Nintendo DS

Having looked over the list, there’s quite a lot of computery/internet stuff there, as well as quite a lot of food… I guess it shows the main interests in my life…

I’m not saything that some people are cowards, but they do really need to grow some backbone once in a while and realise the full force of the blunt edge of the word “no”.

What’s more important than this, however, is the way that some people really need to align their affairs: ’sort their life out’, if you will, before deciding to indulge in that ridiculous yet common pastime of binge drinking. Honestly, some people can’t act respectably for two seconds of an evening once the alcohol starts to flow. Contrary to some schools of thought, alcohol really doesn’t improve social skill at all. But easy or desperate people become even easier or even more desperate when the units start totalling up, and then they meet and catastrophe ensues. Fantastic!

You ruin the time for a lot of other people by acting inappropriately, and I’m tired of just letting it slide because you’re friends. Real friends don’t let other friends do stupid things, so here is your wake-up call.

Maybe a lot of you should give up drinking…

Due to popular demand, I’m putting up a second page about eating. This should satisfy some of you whining, bitchy little girls.

Worcester Sauce

What is there to say, except this stuff tastes really fantastic when applied to any meal or cooking process. It brings all that is good about Worcester (which is actually only the fact that this sauce shares the name) to the dining table or kitchen.

Thai Sweet Chilli Sauce

I argued this one when it was suggested, but that was actually just to avoid admitting the obvious: I’d forgotten it. Deliberately, of course - I was waiting for the second installment, weren’t you? Anyway, the Thais, as a race, may be as indistinguishable from their oriental neighbours as one grain of rice from the next, but their use of sweet chillis is pretty renowned and tasty. Perfect accompaniment for anything.

Honey

Another sweet one for all of you dessert-loving women. Honey is a soft, sweet substance which is made by little bumble bees for the sole purpose of making our sweets taste better. And honey is as versatile as sugar itself - it goes with dairy-sweet (like yoghurt - a must for Greek style anyway), and both types of fruit-sweet (even citrus… heard of honey and lemon cough medicine, you philistines?). So this one goes in too.

That’s all for you this time, folks. But stay tuned!

TC