UnWanted
Hey, if anyone ever invites you to sit down and watch the film Wanted with them, RUN. Kick them in the groin and turn around and leave.
There are so many things wrong with this film that I hate the fact it made any money. Film makers should be honest with their film trailers and include relevant information (such as a warning branding the film as a load of bollocks) that informs potential viewers of what to expect.
Better start at the beginning, I suppose, with the film’s premise. A thousand years ago, a secret society of weavers was formed because they had magical powers to slow down time and kill people very easily. Stop reading for a moment and let that sink in. Weavers. People who make cloth out of threads. A thousand years ago, hardcore assassins would have been Medieval knights or something equally as cool, not cloth makers. I can’t think what kind of shit was thrown away as the writers decided that this was the best idea for a backstory that they could come up with.
The film got an 18 certificate. The thing is, it was narrated by the main character, who seems to take the approach of delivering motivational commentary in a style that might inspire 12-15 year-old males. Every time I listened to his voice, I was put in mind of some of the vocal work employed by Sega in some of their more recent Sonic the Hedgehog titles. Now, Sonic the Hedgehog is fifteen years old, and it’s not hard to imagine that he’d be portrayed as such by the actors voicing him. The only people who are going to look up to a fifteen year-old are kids around that age.
Next, the big hook of this film: bullet curving. You can’t curve a bullet. Game over, film idea is worthless.
The secret society of weavers recruit the hero guy to take down some rogue Jedi assassin who defected and killed the main hero’s father. But then we find out that the rogue assassin is the guy’s father and so the hero has to go back to kill the guys that recruited him in the first place. Well, that actually starts happening about 30 minutes in, after nearly a third of the film is spent explaining how bad the hero’s prior life is.
The society of weavers obey a giant magical loom that weaves binary code (UTF-8 maybe, the encoding was never satisfactorily explained) into a big cloth that spells out the name of the victims that the weavers have to kill.
A GIANT MAGICAL LOOM weaves the NAMES OF VICTIMS into a cloth. A magical fucking sentient (presumably) giant loom somehow decides people to kill (the weavers call it “fate”) and prints out the name, in binary, on a big sheet.
The weavers then (somehow) find the person (it is unexplained how they find them — Google, we must presume) and kill the person.
Also there is one Russian guy who ties bombs to rats, who tells the hero how to catch rats. Then rats are used when the hero blows up the weavers’ castle.
This film made no sense. The stuff that was feasible was either unnecessary to the plot or just stupid, and the stuff that was infeasible was just stupid. Please don’t watch this film, for your own good.
4sites Review
Alex Robinson - a Review of 4sites
4sitesnetwork will offer what initially seems like a reasonable deal for webhosting. UK based (to save those nasty conversions come checkout time) and quite cheap, you think you’re getting everything. Until you realise that the “company” is actually just some Welsh guy running things from his mother’s house.
But you can’t say that on your 4sites hosted website. You can’t say anything critical about the company or its employees at all. You know why? Because 4sites hate freedom of speech. Even if you make a good point about the quality of the host in reference to downtime, and have evidence to back up the validity of your claim, you will still get shut down as quickly as Alex Robinson can manage.
Other than being the totalitarian dictators of budget UK webhosting, the trouble I got into with slandering Alex Robinson all kicked off (both times) with my site experiencing unpredetermined and unexpected downtime. My website was offline for a considerable amount of time when I posted my angry comments. 4sites’ own unreliability forced me to make critical comments, which then forced (sort of) Alex Robinson to ban my site and delete all my original work. About 95% of it has been salvaged from archives, but it’s messy and somewhat haunting.
Anyway, to sum up, find a different web host. Honestly. The unreliability and arbitrary censorship isn’t worth the discount they offer in comparison with alternative companies.
A lot of people are leaving comments asking for any 4sites contact details I might have. The best I can do for you all is this list of probably outdated contact details:
- An old phone number I pulled from his website at the time he was hosting me: +44 870 446 7483
- The number on his website now: +441492 81 81 81
- A number that he contacted me on a few times: +441492 621 101
- A possible personal e-mail address that I was sent by a fellow sufferer of 4sites’s terrible hosting: alex@alexrobinson.me.uk
- And finally, a postal address that may be useful:
4sites Limited
3 Norton Villas
Conwy
LL34 6HU
UK
4sites’ registered company number is 5683624 that you can enter into the government companies checking service, here. It confirms the postal address and there are two more PO Box addresses on the most recent web.archive.org copy of his page that might be useful.
Do please continue to leave comments! Between us we can help each other out, and if there are valid contact details to reach Alex Robinson, please let me know so I can update my page.
Mario Kart Wii
3… 2… 1… and you’re suddenly one of twelve brightly coloured characters aboard brightly coloured go-karts in a cutthroat race for first place.
Take the corners, boost off the drift; sail through the air and accelerate from the midair tricks; collide with glowing question marks for weapons and power ups that blow your rivals back or you forwards; all the while, hope that you can get far enough ahead so when that Blue Shell comes… you can recover from it in time.
The single player races range from the pathetically easy to the impossibly hard, which is nice. Characters and races are unlocked in a nice, steady stream that will keep you playing. The tracks are varied; we see the classics return Wii-style, and a very pretty Rainbow Road to fuck you over at the end of the Special Cup.
I’m new to Mario Kart. You might see this as a bad thing; how can I review a game in a franchise when I have no experience of anything else in it? But I see it as an impartial view untainted by previous successes and mistakes. So, to bring a staggering conclusion to day seven of Wario Week, I bring you this extensive review of Mario Kart Wii.
At first, I was reluctant to buy into the hype surrounding it. Everyone was getting excited about the release of a Mario Kart game for the Wii, but I wasn’t. So when I was invited to join some friends for an afternoon of it, I went with a slightly negative attitude towards it.
It was misplaced, let me tell you. Mario Kart Wii was as surprising as it was fun. I quickly got into it, and found it more enjoyable by the minute.
Gameplay
There are two ways of controlling your Kart using the Wiimote. The first way is using the Nunchuck’s analogue stick for steering. I’m told this is akin to using the N64 controller. But what if you don’t have the Nunchuck addition? Well, that’s fine too, because you can slot the Wiimote into a steering wheel fascia and steer by tilting it from side to side.
I started playing using a Nunchuck, and when I finally got around to using the Wiimote in ’steering wheel’ mode, I found it a little tricky to get the hang of. Even now, after a week of playing, I’ve not quite got it. But I’m working on it!
Drifting, too, was something I had to get the hang of. But I think I’m nailing that, too. Just take a few corners in a new vehicle to get it right. The boost from a drift builds up automatically. There’s none of that twiddling the steering nonsense that you had to do in the DS at least. It stops ’snaking’ (the act of using drift’s boost repeatedly down a straight stretch of track) by charging the boost on time drifting instead of twiddling. That’s a controversial feature; some people are hardcore anti-snaking, some are snaking lovers who have perfected the technique. The removal of it has, to me at least, validated the anti-snaking camp’s viewpoint that it is semi-cheating, despite Nintendo’s assertions that it’s a “gameplay feature”. They sort of blew that train of thought, though, by removing it. Oh well, it’s their game.
Manual vs. Automatic
No, it’s not gear-shifting… Gear-shifting in go-karts largely defeats their point. It’s braking. You can set automatic braking if you’ve not quite got the hang of drifting; very helpful for new players to instantly enjoy themselves - they don’t need to take hours to get to grips with the brake button without careening off the track and into a pit of lava.
Manual braking is essential for winning the harder tracks, however, as the mini boost from a successfully lengthy drift moves you considerably further than taking the corner while braking automatically. Again, this is easier said than done with the steering wheel controller, but there are those who prefer it.
Wii Features
Obviously being released on a new console, it will have unique aspects that utilise the features of the console. Apart from the steering wheel mode, we have in-air tricks or motorbike wheelies. So what? you ask. They’re activated, I reply, by jerking the motion-sensitive controllers. This adds one of those “comic through the window” properties to the game. Let me explain: when the EyeToy came out for PS2, it had a huge amout of “comic through the window”. So did the dance mats before that. It’s a part of whole-body games that would make your actions look out of place or comical to someone who did not know the context of the movements, if they were looking through a window at the player, for example. To watch three players of equal skill (say, who were following each other closely in first, second and third place) throw their arms into the air in sequence is like seeing a miniature Mexican wave.
The Power-ups
It’s become pretty common to yell “BULLET” when getting a power-up while last or almost last. This is a reference to “Bullet Bill”, the handy helper for those lagging behind. It can have devastating effects - knocking opponents aside and pushing the user up in position.
Shells are there - standard greens, homing reds and winged blues. They come frequently enough to deal out some effective punishment. Mushrooms and bananas are there too, coming (like red and green shells) in sets of one or three.
POW blocks send everyone into a spin unless they jerk the controller at the right time. The squid inks everyone’s screen and makes navigating trickier. Lightning is still lightning and reduces everyone’s size, speed and mass. But the single lightning shot is even more interesting. A stormcloud appears over the player who broke the power-up cube. It speeds the player up marginally, but also counts down. If you don’t collide with another player and pass the cloud on in time, it zaps you. Your speed, size and mass take the same lightning hit, but localised only to you.
Bob-ombs and dud power-up blocks come every now and then, and players in the rearmost few can expect Super Mushrooms or the Invincibility Star to help their performance along, as well as Bullet Bill.
Single Player
Singler player is pretty entertaining. With so many of us sharing the copy of the game, there’s not as much pressure put on one player to complete all the cups. This is a good thing, because I think three difficulty settings on all eight cups is a little repetative. Especially when you’re playing your way through the 50cc cups; it’s nigh impossible to lose. Defeating the Lightning Cup on 150cc, however, was extremely gratifying.
Multiplayer
Split-screen racing is masses of unrivalled fun. We’ve got three controllers and one Nunchuck. This sort of separates the game into two challenges: one between the two steering wheel players and the other between the Nunchuck user and the AI players. With enough of the Wiimote additions, however, we could see a real fight for dominance of the road.
Online play is sadly not an option for our rigorously-controlled networking options. To help you out, though, I’m going to quote the Facebook group Mario Kart Wii is my new addiction:
[Mario Kart Wii]’s got absolutely everything (12 player online, time trial leaderboards, the ability to access the ghost data of EVERYONE, competitions, etc.)
As you can see, lots of work has gone into providing a solid online experience, so if you have the game, check it out. If you don’t and this is one of the key features upon which your decision hinges then it’s packed with all kinds of leaderboards and statistics and fun things to do, so consider the game recommended.
Soundtrack and Visuals
This game is filled with “bright noises,” the audio equivalent of bright colours. The sounds and music tracks are simple, expressive and borderline childish; exactly what you’d expect to come straight out of a Japanese game developer’s brain. The graphics are nothing we haven’t seen before on the GameCube; the Wii was never intended to have superior graphical processing power. It’s not ugly, however, and the tracks from earlier games have been retextured and remodelled to look prettier.
Summary
Fans of the Mario Kart series will find familiar aspects and new aspects in the right mix to make the game enjoyable as returning Mario Kart players. New players will find the introductory easy tracks and automatic braking ease them into the game gently, while still being fun. This is something that most people would be hard-pressed not to enjoy. After the challenges have been completed in single player, you can get your friends over to play with them, or find them online and race them at your convenience. It’s a game with a lot of potential playing hours and good, simple fun that other recent releases simply can’t best.
Million Dollar Baby
This is a follow on from my awesome discovery of ToolChronicles archives back from when I didn’t exist to lots of you, but it’s an idea that’s been with me for a long time. On the 6th of March, this post enjoyed its private 2-year anniversary. It has a timeless air about it, however, and despite it being jotted down in a spare twenty minutes, it’s got a sexy, nostalgic voice to it.
Million Dollar Baby
The film starts with a dull, boring tale of a boxing gymnasium, and some woman who can’t box. There’s something in there about her age, but only a woman could care. So, we’ve set up a main character. Good work, Eastwood; your directing skills astound me. Next, we’re introduced to 10 other people, only one of which actually needed to be cast in the film, but maybe two. Morgan Freeman and this Old Guy were the significant ones, and there were a bunch of guys who frequented the gym to box. The gym was only a setting, and the guys were really only a part of that setting. They didn’t have a clearly defined story, they just went to the gym. That was understood within a few minutes, but we keep getting gym scenes of men boxing. They have no relevance. Every scene should have a significance in a film. The scene where the Boxing Bitch is pounding a bag unprofessionally showed what a poor boxer she was at the start of the film: it had a purpose. The scenes of the gym after that were purely idle filler. Now, on to the poor storyline.
Old Guy was persuaded by Morgan Freeman to train Boxing Bitch; he didn’t want to but the awesome persuasive power of Morgan Freeman caused him to anyway. After a brief session, Someone Else trained her for a bit, and then pitted her against another woman.
Someone Else turned out to blow at training, because Boxing Bitch was getting beaten. She was almost devastatingly owned when Old Guy steps in, gives her a pointer and she wins. Then, all of a sudden, she’s a boxer so awesome that she can beat everyone in the first round, after one sentence of encouragement. Thanks for that, Eastwood: you can’t direct.
She wins some, she wins some more. Then she enters a fight with some Woman Champion of the Boxing World. Woman Champion of the Boxing World gives Boxing Bitch a few good elbows to the face, and hits her while she’s down. This pisses everyone off something awful, and things break up. They fight some more, get tired, and someone puts a stool in the corner of the ring for Boxing Bitch to sit on. Instead, Woman Champion of the Boxing World slugs her in the face when her back’s turned, and Boxing Bitch falls over and breaks her neck on the stool. I could only laugh out ‘owned’.
The rest of the story is about Boxing Bitch, her mother and her paralysis. Eventually, Morgan Freeman persuades (he’s good at persuading) Old Guy to kill her. The end. What a WASTE OF MY TIME.
It’s shit, it didn’t deserve any of the awards it got. Don’t see this film.
By the way, if you haven’t seen this film, the above entry contains spoilers.
Disturbia: the Horror Film for People that Hate Horror Films
I’d rate this a PG if I were reviewing it for the BBFC. That, or the more politically correct (and financially motivated) “Twelve-A”. Not a 15 (like it got), or an 18 (like a lot of films branded ‘horror’ or ‘thriller’ these days), but a lame certificate. That’s because there was nothing in it that children would be sensitive to, except possibly the scene of the children watching the adult channel on their TV.
The trailer made this film out to be a jump-a-thon of sudden grabs from behind and lightning flashes of scary men, when there were actually only a few of these moments, and they weren’t very frightening. There was also no token gore scene, despite the main character stumbling into a makeshift surgical room and operating table.
Nevertheless, despite attempting to break the mould of the factory-spawned horror flicks with a somewhat milder approach, I liked this film. It’s not good enough to justify forking out a cinema trip’s worth (where, as students, this is going to cost a week’s food), but if someone bought it and offered you the chance to watch it, or you rented it or otherwise procured it, it’s a neat way of spending an hour and a half.
Shia LaBeouf, who is in everything these days, is up to his usual superb standard. We also see a nice performance by David Morse, who we all ought to remember from his performance in the Green Mile (one of my all-time favourites, not a bad word to say about it), who really pulls off the “domestic” serial killer (as opposed to the “crazy” ones; Jigsaw or Hannibal Lecter). Throw in a concise little role for Carrie-Anne Moss (in, arguably, her biggest role since reprising Trinity in the Matrix Revolutions) and you have a bedrock of decent acting talent upon which to build. If I had to pick a character to lay the grievous title of “weak link” upon, it would have to be Sarah Roemer, who played the bint (i.e., love interest). She wasn’t bad, but neither was she up to the standard set by the others.
Plot-wise, we’ve got a simple premise: the boy, confined to his home for petty crime, discovers some suspicious activity in his neighbourhood. One of his neighbours fits the description of a famous uncaught serial murderer, and mystery surrounds his life. Everything unfolds from there, and there are a number of very well-filmed moments that built tension without the need for gratuitous blood. There were points when this detracted from the killer’s fearsome habits, as the cadavers looked a little like soggy ricecakes. The film was set up so that we were afraid, not of the man, but of “what might happen,” and I liked it.
The finale was heroic yet keeping within the milder feel of the film. Hover here for a little spoiler. It was reasonably entertaining. Don’t turn it down if you get the chance, but don’t worry, because you won’t miss anything if you do.
Ciao.
Movie Mixed Bag
Being free from the dictatorial network regime that prohibits use of filesharing applications that I’m subject to at university, I’ve spent some time this Easter holiday acquiring various motion pictures for my own entertainment. I’d like to tell you about a few of them.
Silence of the Lambs
This one was a logical choice, since I’d seen all the other Hannibal Lecter films. It was the first film made, although not the chronological beginning of the series. Anthony Hopkins was amazing as the evil Dr. Lecter, and his presence alone made this film an incredible watch. Full of just the right amount of suspense with the heroine, a neat but obvious twist near the end and plenty of Dr. Lecter being a maniacal genius (I’m a sucker for clever bad guys), this film is an incredible watch, and should be visited before the others, just to get the foundation stone, which the Hannibal stories are built around.
Donnie Darko
This was recommended to me by a number of people, but I can’t see what they’re obsessed with. This film was a let-down in a number of ways. The characters were poorly developed or inconsistent. I don’t want to fault Gyllenhaal here, because he played the character presumably as directed, since he’s quite good. It’s the writer’s and director’s faults for making him inconsistent with the only explanation is a casually tossed off “he’s crazy.”
Drew Barrymore’s character had no origin or conclusion, both ends of her storyline were somewhat absent and thus she seemed to just exist for no reason. We didn’t get closure either.
I hope I’m not the only person who thought what the fuck was Patrick Swayze doing in this movie? He played the paedophile Christian which, while it’s a concept that appeals to my antireligious heart, seeing it thrown in haphazardly just irked me. He seemed to be there only to provide that opportunity for Gyllenhaal’s character to be suddenly outspoken (very short lived, and not repeated) in contrast to his usually shy self… but don’t worry, HE’S INSANE!
The story was also stupid. Magical time-travelling aeroplanes and hypnotic masturbation? Whatever.
21
This was immense. When I saw the trailer some months back, I said “we have to see that, it looks immense,” and it was! It told the allegedly true story (it being a true story didn’t make a huge difference to me) of Ben Campbell, an unnecessarily brilliant MIT student who learned how to count cards. Some will say it was Kevin Spacey’s “intense”* acting that made the film brilliant, but everything worked together so well. I was put off by some of the voice-over work. Hearing his thoughts when he was counting cards bugged me. Describing card counting was particularly frustrating (not because it was there, but because it wasn’t done brilliantly), and the repeated flashbacks to the flash cards when there was a codeword was also tacky and felt like filler material. This is well worth watching.
Beowulf
Don’t. Just don’t. I got to the part where Angelina Jolie entered and couldn’t take it anymore, so I turned it off.
Futurama: Bender’s Big Score
After so very long without some fresh Futurama material, this was like that piss you take when you’ve been bursting to go for about an hour. Honestly, I was laughing seconds into this. I’ve always preferred Futurama to any other Fox animated series, and the humour is just my kind.
It doesn’t insult the intelligence either. Equation-solving black basketball players are back to help the Planet Express crew save the universe from alien spammers who uncover the binary code for time travel and misdoings transpire. Technological gags ensue, and almost all of the Futurama cast come in at some point with trademark remarks and actions alongside a huge array of original stuff. I saw the “story twist” [hover for hint, possible spoiler if you're observant] coming from a long way off, but maybe I was having a good day and not everyone will notice.
The musical score is amazing. The background music has been sexily remixed and the character’s songs are really entertaining. The Christmas character song on Neptune (”This Trinity’s Going to War”) was fucking great. The animation is nice and movie-budget quality, not that it’s ever been bad from the guys who make Futurama.
Unlike the Simpsons Movie, which was basically a glorified, lengthened TV episode, Bender’s Big Score offers movie-long variation and an inventive yet familiar plot that will have fans smiling again as we see our favourite robot and his pals back in action. It’s a laugh and an entertaining watch.
This is England
There’s a special kind of sadness that you feel when you watch a film and can think to yourself “holy fuck, this kind of thing actually happened.” It’s different from the “holy fuck, Wash just got impaled!” sadness, and it’s found in lots of “powerful” films these days. But, that’s not to say that it instantly makes a film great. The difference between a mildly sad but easily forgettable film like, Rendition, for example, and a memorable, emotional, sensational piece of film like Blood Diamond, is how the story is told by the film makers.
This is England falls into the latter category. It tells the story of young Shaun, a twelve-year-old schoolboy from Grimsby who runs into a gang of skinheaded youths in the summer of 1983. Shaun is inducted into their circle and accompanies them, sharing relatively harmless fun times.
An ex-member tosses a spanner in the works, however, when he returns from a stretch in prison. Shaun is the child of a Falklands war casualty, and it’s the desire to do his father proud that lets the ex-convict hoodwink him into running with a much darker crowd, a crowd of racist thugs who lead the boy astray.
Lost in a crescendo of a powerful minor key piano piece as a frequently used backing track, we follow the emotional ups and downs of Shaun’s summer, as well as his descent into depravity and eventual redemption. Eventually seeing the thugs for what they are, the film closes with the iconic scene of Shaun casting St. George’s flag into the sea.
If you enjoy serious films, even if only from time to time, then this one gets my full recommendation. It will certainly rank in the top five British films of all time for many who have seen it, and it deserves pride of place in yours as well.
That’s it from me this evening. I’ll keep you posted with anything new; I know you’re all incredibly keen to listen to my suggestions and watch the films I’ve praised, and they’ll take you a while to acquire and view at a leisurely pace, so I’ll be back later with some more thoughts.
TC
* – thanks to David Bowman.
Firefly: the Unsurpassable Combination of Space, Cowboys and Mandarin
As piece of film (and, I know that it’s a serial but the sessions are long enough to make it seem like an episodic movie), it has everything; a delightful cocktail of themes that melds together in a beautiful equilibrium. Everything from the six-shooter worn casually at Mal’s side to the Mandarin Chinese curses serves to craft a media masterpiece.
One big space family - there is every flavour of character, and even those hardest to please will not be left wanting: the happy-go-lucky, charmingly innocent Kaylee; sociopathic loyal father, Captain Mal; wise, serious and strong first mate Zoe; humorous relief at the helm as Wash; the rebellious weapons man Jayne; beautiful and sophisticated socialite Inara; the acquired passengers including the brilliant, handsome doctor Simon; his psychic and unstable sister River and the secretive, deep, full-of-surprises Shepherd Book.
The stories are about survival, love and adventure in a universe fraught with hard times and harder crooks. Living as scavenging smugglers aboard their Firefly-class ship Serenity, the crew are dysfunctional, witty yet altogether united. The leadership proffered by Captain Mal may not always be the best choice, and the more extreme ideas are open to reconsideration at the cry of the crew. He is honourable beyond any doubt, however, and his dedication to the crew is admirable. That’s why they follow him. He manages to walk into conversations at key points, giving the impression that he lurks around corners before entering a room.
Zoe and Wash are the stable relationship aboard the Serenity. As husband and wife, we’ve explored the strengths and rough patches of their marriage, as well as the rewarding expression of their dedication to one another. Zoe, the dependable first mate, served with Mal on the losing side of a galactic civil war. Often the voice of reason and the one to keep Mal out of trouble, she is probably the most “street-smart” of them all. Wash is our comic, delivering consistent and refreshing wit despite the horror of any situation. His bright Hawaiian shirts offer a visual contrast to the dark colours of the pilot’s cabin.
Jayne, the ex-mercenary armoury expert, was originally brought onto Serenity by an offer of money. His allegiance to the captain is tenuous, but he is a solid man in a fight. Not the most intelligent of men by any measure, but his often funny remarks lend a deeper layer to his character. He often exhibits a pessimistic, darker view on things, and can sometimes see the worst in situations. Those of us who disapprove of his disapproval still love his unconventional methods and foolhardy bravery. Only two things in the universe frighten him.
Kaylee was hired due to her natural affinity with mechanics. Beauty and an innocent smile hidden underneath a layer of engine grease and mechanic’s overalls, she represents that guileless perspective on things, showing us that a life of crime does not always turn one into a hardened criminal. She and Simon Tam have an ongoing series of failed attempts at engaging socially, mostly due to Simon’s social clumsiness. Originally a fugitive hired on to serve as a medic, Simon selflessly sacrificed his career and standing to free his sister from the clutches of evil research scientists. Simon puts himself after his sister in all affairs, and his unconditional love for her and unending quest to save her from the damage she underwent during government experiments both depict an epic and uphill life quest; a never ending search for hope.
River herself is an enigma. What she can and can’t do might never be fully explored, but she has a childlike quality that seems unnaturally coupled with her intelligence, and her mental instability worries more than one crew member. She’s sought by the authorities for the same reason she was originally held, although we may never know what that was.
The Shepherd Book is a self-declared preacher of the faith, although the way he handles weapons and hand-to-hand combat, or the things he knows about the criminal underworld, suggest that he may not be exactly what he seems. While initially confused about being an associate of criminals, experiencing the side of need and deprivation begins to change his perspective on morality. Although his teachings come to surface, they often grate on Mal’s nerves, who has no use for religion, being a reformed theist (reformed, of course, to godlessness), but the confrontation never goes deeper than casual banter.
Inara represents a change in the mindset of the masses. No longer considered a bitter choice of a desperate woman with no choice left, prostitution is now seen as a sophisticated, well-respected profession. Companions are sought-after and high in demand. They get to pick their own clients, so it is no longer a case of the client making the decision. Having a companion escort is a privilege, and Inara’s presence offers the ship some validity and standing, gaining access to places whose doors would otherwise be closed. The romantic tension between her and Mal is remarkable in its rare lack of emphasis on sex being a key aspect. Mal’s unaffected by Inara’s profession and their unexpressed love is only brought to light in extreme circumstances.
The world they are a part of is fraught with myriad perils, although none more fearsome than the Reavers. Maddened space-barbarians who seek out and kill human life, often thought to be just stories, haunt the outer reaches of the galaxy. As put in a stone-cold voice by Zoe to Simon, Reavers will “rape us to death, eat our flesh and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we’re very, very lucky, they’ll do it in that order.”
The milder (but more common) “bad guys” are the Alliance, the winners of the civil war: an inept and corrupt government who care only about the central and industrialised planets and leave the underprivileged societies to fend for themselves. Mal has a deep-seated contepmpt for the Alliance and supporters of it.
If it wasn’t enough that the awesome crew-family hybrid runs flies around space acting as honest pirates, the civilisation resembles that of the Wild West: cowboys… but from space! The unique environment is the ideal combination of the two concepts. It creates a suitably fantastic and familiar mix that stimulates the imagination and triggers the “awesome sense”. Guns from all eras are fired off to laser-sounding blasts. Old Western-style saloons house metal cups and futuristic bar-seats.
The final thing to mention about the varied and unique world is the fusion of Western and Oriental cultures. The supposed joining of two superpowers, China and the USA, has resulted in a written and spoken language peppered with parts from either (as well as the extrapolated prediction of the use of certain words as slang). Mandarin words (often curse words) are thrown in here and there, and we see Chinese glyphs on adverts and in the background.
So what does it all mean? We’ve got an intense character set in a completely versatile environment. The wit and action fly thick and fast, and there’s never a second or a scene that doesn’t contribute to the overall feel or the way the characters grow and develop. Every little detail, down to the space ship making no sound in space (a frequently overlooked technicality), serves to build up a series that delivers in every single way. It might sound old and tired to say this, but there really is only one problem with the series. It’s a little thing called ‘cancellation’ and it happens right after the last episode. Joss Whedon is an absolute genius and he has raised the now untouchable bar on Sci-Fi productions from here onwards. We’ll never see anything even comparable to what Whedon has given us in the form of this series, and while this means that nothing else will ever be enjoyed as much as this will, it also means that every scene is tainted with some small sense of longing and sadness that the adventures of the crew of Serenity had to come to a stop. I just don’t see how having the series and film consistently voted in the top list of best Sci-Fi productions can go unnoticed by Whedon and Fox. But we have all seen what Fox thinks of the continuation of successful Sci-Fi series when we helplessly watched them axe Futurama. Murdoch’s blood will one day be on the hands of space-fans everywhere.